Lessons learnt – You don’t need closure

I plan to start a new blog post series called ‘Lessons learnt’. These range from things i’ve learnt about friendship, relationships, dating, love, pain and about growing up. I’d love feedback and your thoughts on the matter, so don’t hesitate to get in touch with me. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them.

LL - Closure

You don’t need closure. You don’t. Now, you must be thinking, Nila, but you don’t know my situation, I need it. I can’t move on without it. To you, I say, no you don’t NEED closure. You WANT closure. Needing something and wanting something are two very different things. For example, you don’t want oxygen to breathe, you NEED it lest you die. Now, you might think but I NEED to understand why he cheated on me or I NEED her to text me back and explain why she broke it off because I feel like i’m dying.

Feelings aside, we tend to think of ourselves at the stars of the movie that is our life. Now, this isn’t the problem. The problem begins when we start handing out scripts to other people expecting them to play the part we’ve written for them. But here’s the thing, everybody is busy being the star of their own movie and it’s unreasonable to expect them to live their lives according to your script. Think about it, no one likes the feeling of being manipulated or controlled. As human beings, we like to believe we hold a sense of autonomy over our own lives; that we make our own decisions regardless of whether that is actually true.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying closure is bad. If you do get closure, consider yourself as one of the lucky ones. Rather, i’m saying that you don’t need closure, so don’t expect it. Because here’s the thing about closure: It’s never happens the way you expect it to. We have a habit of romanticising events and situations in our heads. We hope that the person who hurt us shows up in the middle of the night, at our doorstep, begging for forgiveness and explaining their actions. Hate to break it to you but if you live your life expecting it, fixating on it – you are going to be very disappointed.

I’m going to end with saying this. Think about a stage, situation or incident in your life which was living hell. Pure emotional, mental or physical torture. The time where you didn’t think you would make it through. Now, take a minute to realise that you’ve successfully made it to this day. That situation you thought was impossible to get through, you’ve gone and done it! If you think about it, in a lot of those situations you never received any closure but you still made it through. Those events might still affect you to this day but we all hold scars from our past and I think they make us who we are.

Lesson learnt : You don’t need closure. If you do receive it, be grateful you did but try to live your life without expecting it.

Wishing you all a great day ahead ~

x

Nila

Broken Wings

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Broken wings

can’t be used.

Or so they say.

I don’t agree.

I don’t have any other,

I was born with these.

They broke

on the way here

But they still belong to me.

I don’t think they can be

Fixed,

but maybe

its because they don’t need fixing.

Gambling, Travelling and Taking Risks. I’m only 21.

I haven’t posted anything in a while. I know.

In my defence, I had a valid reason. Or so I tell myself.

This post is a personal account on what’s been happening with me, a major life update and the reason I went offline for a bit so if you aren’t interested in hearing about my life or don’t care, I don’t blame you. I promise my usual blog posts/short poems will be back on schedule. But if you are interested, I send you my love and I hope you do keep reading.

xx

Nila

(P.S : This post is not about a gambling addiction I acquired at the age of 21 to fund my travels around the world. Though it would make for a pretty interesting novel, don’t you think?)


Dice

The first week of June 2016 was filled with mixed emotions. Because it was the day I returned home after studying abroad for the past three years. I realised that my definition of home changed and that home is a relative place.

India was the place I was born in. Sure. I loved my family, friends and my city but I wasn’t satisfied. Because I never truly felt at home.

I was, and always have been, an amalgamation of people and experiences from different parts of the world.

I know this is going to sound cheesy, bear with me, but I always liked the sound of the words ‘Global Citizen’ or ‘Citizen of the World’. I like thinking of myself as someone who identifies with a little part of every city or every country and with their culture. It doesn’t have to be something huge, it could be as small as falling in love with a traditional local dish. (Side note: Make sure you actually love the dish. Don’t fake it. One thing I’ve noticed is no matter where you are in the world, even if you don’t speak the same language, people will always understand genuineness.)

Even at a young age, I started to realise so many things that were a part of my daily life weren’t from my home country or culture at all.

For example:

I loved watching American TV shows. I loved eating Italian food as much as I loved eating Mexican food. I loved reading Japanese manga. I loved and obsessed over the famous French fashion brands that graced the pages of magazines. I loved reading murder mysteries by a British author. (Agatha Christie is a legend and you know it.) I loved listening to Korean pop music even though I didn’t understand a word of it.

Nonetheless, I still loved doing all these things. They weren’t a part of my culture yet they made me happy and at the same time widened my horizons.

That’s where my love for travel started.

I realised that I need to keep moving and discovering new places and cultures in different cities and find that part of me which is hidden in each city. Exciting isn’t it?

So what happened when I came back?

(more…)

Tell her she’s beautiful

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Look at her.

Tell her she’s beautiful.

She’ll probably say

No

and dismiss your words.

Nonetheless,

Tell her you love the sound of her voice.

Tell her you love her smile.

Tell her you love the way her brain works.

Tell her you love her.

Her identity comes in many forms;

Mother,

Daughter,

Girlfriend,

Sister,

Wife,

Best Friend.

So, tell her that you love her.

Chances are that she’s

heard you.

But if you tell her everyday,

maybe

One day

She might, for the first time,

Believe it.