I plan to start a new blog post series called ‘Lessons learnt’. These range from things i’ve learnt about friendship, relationships, dating, love, pain and about growing up. I’d love feedback and your thoughts on the matter, so don’t hesitate to get in touch with me. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them.
You don’t need closure. You don’t. Now, you must be thinking, Nila, but you don’t know my situation, I need it. I can’t move on without it. To you, I say, no you don’t NEED closure. You WANT closure. Needing something and wanting something are two very different things. For example, you don’t want oxygen to breathe, you NEED it lest you die. Now, you might think but I NEED to understand why he cheated on me or I NEED her to text me back and explain why she broke it off because I feel like i’m dying.
Feelings aside, we tend to think of ourselves at the stars of the movie that is our life. Now, this isn’t the problem. The problem begins when we start handing out scripts to other people expecting them to play the part we’ve written for them. But here’s the thing, everybody is busy being the star of their own movie and it’s unreasonable to expect them to live their lives according to your script. Think about it, no one likes the feeling of being manipulated or controlled. As human beings, we like to believe we hold a sense of autonomy over our own lives; that we make our own decisions regardless of whether that is actually true.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying closure is bad. If you do get closure, consider yourself as one of the lucky ones. Rather, i’m saying that you don’t need closure, so don’t expect it. Because here’s the thing about closure: It’s never happens the way you expect it to. We have a habit of romanticising events and situations in our heads. We hope that the person who hurt us shows up in the middle of the night, at our doorstep, begging for forgiveness and explaining their actions. Hate to break it to you but if you live your life expecting it, fixating on it – you are going to be very disappointed.
I’m going to end with saying this. Think about a stage, situation or incident in your life which was living hell. Pure emotional, mental or physical torture. The time where you didn’t think you would make it through. Now, take a minute to realise that you’ve successfully made it to this day. That situation you thought was impossible to get through, you’ve gone and done it! If you think about it, in a lot of those situations you never received any closure but you still made it through. Those events might still affect you to this day but we all hold scars from our past and I think they make us who we are.
Lesson learnt : You don’t need closure. If you do receive it, be grateful you did but try to live your life without expecting it.
Wishing you all a great day ahead ~